He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love. In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.
1 John 4,8-9

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From anarchy to agape

Tinka Hyllova

I was waiting for the Lord.When I entered the water, I felt a nice stroke and the sun was shining right at me.It was so marvellous…There were so many things that weren´t solved in my life.The piercing in my nose and mouth.I made it by myself as a protest against my parents when I was fifteen.I also pierced my eyebrows and navel.When I went home I always took these piercings away so that my parents shouldn´t see them. From anarchy to agape

I come from the stable family background.My mum believed in God but my dad made it a point of being against it.I had a wonderful childhood .My parents spent a lot of time with me and my older sister.They always set us an example and lead us to the well-ordered life.I´d been a “live child” at the kindergarden and the major part of my friends were boys.When I got to the basic school I was the part of the children´s ”gangs” and even then I´d liked fighting.In my seventh school year I went to the summer camp in Italy.I took to smoking cigarettes and  a short time later I bought my first packet.I lured into smoking my best friend and we smoked only from time to time for about six months.However, in the middle of my eighth school year and especially at the end of the primary school I started smoking more and more.

I was fifteen when I joined the bunch of punks for the first time.They were more than interesting for me.They were smoking as well as me but it wasn´t all.They were drinking alcohol sniffing at toulen and taking various drugs.Wherever they arrived they proclaimed anarchy.They had a fantastic and – in my view - interesting way of clothing, style and they always said what they liked.I also said what I liked and I didn´t “mince words” at all but many times it´d made the things worse for me.Since I didn´t like school I stopped studying.Plently of my friends didn´t go to school at all because they were expelled or simply they left.We went to the city park bathed in the fountain got drunk in the evenings and then we puked at the trees.Many times we were terribly sick because we took tablets and washed them down with alcohol.In the evening we crawled home somehow.On a day when we bathed in the fountain ( or rather my friends threw me there and then they jumped there as well ) there was a priest sitting on the bank next to us who´d said I was leading a wicked life but there was a solution for it.He added that I was sinnful and why I was so up in the air ? At that moment my friends had to pull me aside because I heaped abuse on him.In addition to that, we shoplifted many times and did it for fun.At school I started getting poor marks ( for example, I could get 15 E´s from one subject during a few weeks ) but I didn´t worry about it at all.My fellow students and I drank at school and we were so drunk during classes that we didn´t even know what were happening around us.We ate hallucinogenic plants.I remember that I once almost went blind at school after using this plant.I was very proud and uppish.

I called people names and despised them.On a sunny day, it was Tuesday as there were no classes I went to the park. There were lots of people there.A friend of mine took out some pills and liquid that the others shot directly into their veins.When he pulled the needle out of his hand it remained completely curved so, he straightened it and passed it on to another bloke.Then I was left totally flabbergasted.I said to myself – well, I won´t ever do this! And thanks God Lord protected me.However, at this period of my life I started being interested in voodoo.Some of my friends were satanists in the park.They read various satanistic and magic books, satanic bible…At home my friend and I raised “ghosts” (once her hair took fire ).If someone bugged me I hated him and I wished him evil.At night I had nightmares, frightening dreams and miscellaneous odd things appeared to me…..

My parents were very worried about me but I couldn´t care less.I was building a strong harshness inside me and steeling myself against people.It was a time when I hated them directly and I gave them such nasty glances full of hatred and scorn that they were afraid of me.I enjoyed putting people down.I liked satanism but thanks God I wasn´t involved in it.I used to come back home flying high as a kite and drunk.My body was trembling because I´d taken too many pills and alcohol.A few times I was even doped.I smoked more and more to such an extent that one packet of cigarettes a day wasn´t enough.My friends got some cigarettes for me or  bought them because I was terribly cheeky without them.I was always nervous and grumpy until I got them.When someone asked me how I was I was able to swear him straight into his eyes I´d been fine although I felt terribly blue.I lied to my parents, friends and teachers at school.I lived in these lies and it put me down more and more every day.I played with people with their affections and I enjoyed it.I didn´t get on well with my parents and my sister Gabika at all.

Something unexpected happened in our lives.My sister started mixing with Christians and I was amused by it.I can recall The New Year´s Eve 2000.My boyfriend and I sat in my room and Gabika was getting ready for the New Year´s Eve´s gathering of AC.It left me unmoved.My sister was out of her mind lost her marbles and now she attends a sort of a sect – I shouted and laughed at her.And while my sister offered her life to Jesus Christ on New Year´s Eve, I sat in the “joint” that evening doing monkey bussiness…From this day on, she began listening to the Christian music.I simply couldn´t listen to it.I covered my ears with my hands and made a fuss.I hid her cassettes and I remembered listening to Marilyn Manson and Gabika sang loudly at the same time:”I´M GOING TO SING BECAUSE I´M SAVED…”I was fuming with rage and I didn´t know what to do.I shoved her yelled at her to stop it and to shut up but she sang more loudly and boldly.She wasn´t afraid at all of my hitting her.She read from Bible every day but I covered my ears – it made me feel “sick”.I thought she was a bigot.Once my friend and I sat in my room and Gabika read something from Revelation.We trembled with fear and I even burst into tears.It was something special because I was so hard that even if my mother´d cried and supplicated me – it left me cold.Since that day I hadn´t made such a fuss when she read from Bible.There was still something I didn´t like but I listened to it with one ear but I put on a bored face…I wasn´t glad to hear how sinnful I was…Bible says I´m sinnful but my friends say I´m great.So, where´s the truth? And Am I interested in knowing the truth after all? According to my friends I´m super and in my view I´m also great, so why shall I change it? These thoughts were running through my mind when Gabika read me from the Word of God.I remember exactly the day and time when my life gained momentum and I sank really very low.

It was precisely at 6p.m. on the January 14, 2000 My daddy had just returned from the parent teachers´conference.He came back sad, dissapointed and very angry.I learnt that I was on the point of failing three school subjects got D´s from others and only a few C´s.On that evening I was really down in the mouth.After the monologue of my unhappy parents ( I made out that everything was perfectly allright and didn´t even utter a sound ) I went to my room.The first thing that occurred to me was I´D KILL MYSELF.I ate loads of strong medicines and drank up strong drops that my G.P.´d prescribed me for my very frequent headache.I wrote a few sentences in my diary and suddenly my fingertips and toetips started stiffening.I was utterly depressed.I went back and forth across the kitchen but didn´t have the courage to tell my parents about it.I lay down to my bed and closed my eyes.I said to myself I was going to die now.I was waiting and imagining how it´d come.All of a sudden my hands, legs and all my body started becoming rigid.I was paralysed with indescribable fear.I said in my heart:”I don´t want to die.”Let someone help me.And to my surprise “Someone” answered.At that time I didn´t know it was Lord.He told me:”Get up and go and tell your parents about it”.I thought in my heart:I may go nuts how shall I get up when all my body is stiff and can´t get up? There was the same answer again:”Get up and go and tell your parents about it.” After this answer I had the strength to get up and go.I went and it was GOD WHO´D RESCUED ME!

After I´d been drinking water for a few hours and vomiting at the bathroom I was completely exhausted.My legs gave way under me my face was completely sallow and there were violet circles under my bloodshot eyes.When I was out of danger I went to bed.I woke up in the afternoon next day and was a mere shadow of my former self – and I felt under the weather as well…My family was shocked.My sister Gabika prayed for me and my parents asked me why I´d done it.I didn´t even know it.They´d have understood helped and supported me whenever I needed..Nevertheless, I know nowdays it was a hopeless devil´s trial to keep me from getting to Jesus and offering him my life.However, it took me several months to solve the issues of my future.I decided to finish school and to take on a new lease of life.In February I split up with my boyfriend and went to pieces.Fortunately,Lord and my family stood by me.Thanks God.On the very same day February 12, 2000 I made a decision to stop smoking.Never before have I had a try at doing this because I´d liked it.I didn´t understand it myself why I wanted to do it but I knew I was supposed to do it.I prayed to God to set me free from smoking and give me the strength to quit it.God glorified himself!

,Hallelujah.At this period I also dreamt about cigarettes my friends blew smoke at me and offered cigarettes to me.However,God gave me the power to resist.This stage was crucial for me.I prayed to God to give my boyfriend back to me ( despite the grim reality that he cheated on and lied to me ).The only person who could help me to live was and is Jesus Christ.On one side He with his love and on the other side my bunch.I fell! One day – I was on the way towards the salvation but I got drunk as a skunk.I almost crawled on all fours to get home.Luckily, Lord gave me the grace and it was the last time that I got drunk.I knew it couldn´t go on like this.I´ll have to make my choice.So, I´ve chosen Jesus and spent my leisure time only with Christians.I abandoned my former bunch and prayed for them.I was deeply touched by love, peace, joy and certainty that had and have those people who I´d jeered at before – they were Christians.It was fantastic although sometimes incomprihensible and unnatural for me.I realized that these people had something I didn´t have nor anyone from my former bunch.I differed from them not only in my punk´s look but also in the fact that this love wasn´t in my heart. Some time later I wanted Jesus to be the Lord of my life.I can´t remember the exact day because I said this prayer every day for some time.I didn´t believe it was sufficient to say it to God just once taking into account all the wicked things I´d ever done in my life.However, it wasn´t all by a long way.God started working on my character.Slowly and softly he took ( and takes away ) my vices and things that kept me from experiencing deeply my relationship with him.On a day my sister Gabika and I were listening to the music from the musical Jesus Christ Superstar.

Many Christians see it differently but at that time Lord made the most of it.Then God touched me and I felt he lead me to that important step – get rid of the things that were linked with my past.First and formost I cut to small pieces a T-shirt with the inscription antichrist superstar which meant a lot to me.Nobody could touch it but suddenly its time was up! Jesus Christ became the superstar of my life!!! And He really is.Then, I threw out of the window my talisman that I always had on me and which was somewhat magical for me.That amulet flew out of the window so fast and far away that devil didn´t even manage to talk me out of it.Then, I smashed al the satanistic cassettes and things that´d connected me with my old life.God went on acting.A few months later I decided to be baptised.At that time there was some word from my former boyfriend and I had to make my choice.On one hand God offered me the life in His vicinity, His love, peace, joy and certainty that I´d been craving for and on the other hand there were a human being who I loved so much ( at least I thought it ) and a relationship which was uncertain, unsteady, wicked in God´s eyes.

In addition, I was rather suspicious and afraid of being cheated on again.I prayed in spirit to the Lord to give me the strength.I knew what I should and had to do and although my relatives´d advised me to give him a second chance I chose God.It was difficult but I opted for Jesus for the second time and I will never regret it!!! Lord´s given me his pledge and has stood by me.A few days later I found out that my decision was right.God let me see with my own eyes the real brutal reality and I discovered the true face of the person I thought I loved.The person didn´t even exist – it was completely someone else.It hurt but it´s still nothing in comparison with how much it hurts the Lord when we refuse him deceive him and tarnish his name! God let me see the truth with my own eyes but he prepared me for it.I could rejoice at the good decision and at the new marvellous friendship with Lord Jesus.God backed me up.My baptism was the most fabulous gift for my seventeenth birthday.On that very day I sealed my covenant with God and was reborn.The sky was cloudy and it was drizzling.I prayed to God to caress me and to give me some sunshine when I entered the water.When I was queuing up it was cloudy.I awaited my Lord.When I entered the water I felt a lovely stroke and the sun was shining straight at me.It was so amazing…

There were so many things that weren´t solved in my life.The piercing in my nose and mouth.I made it by myself as a protest against my parents when I was fifteen.I also pierced my eyebrows and navel.When I went home I always take these piercings away so that my parents shouldn´t see them.I´ve forgotton to do it several times and my parents saw me through but didn´t say anything to it.They thought it´d dawn on me and I´d stop it.At school my teachers took offence at it and they complained about my eccentricity all the time.My parents didn´t want me to wear the piercing but I was a rebel and did it my way.However, God put it right.At a time when Erich Theis was in the sports hall of Košice in 2000, God fortified me to choose him on the last day of evangelization.I flushed it into the toilet bowl and I haven´t put it on anymore.I didn´t need to lie to my parents any more – I was freed from another deception.It was a success for me because I felt too much strongly about it.I was addicted to it and I thought it wasn´t me without it. I felt odd without the piercing but certaintly it wasn´t natural.I haven´t seen so far any baby being born with a piercing.I also stopped wearing chains and dogcollar with barbs and some time later I dyed my blood-red hair to brown.I don´t say these things are good or bad but I was bound by them and that´s why I threw them away.In addition, when I talked to people about God they laughed at me because they thought I was joking.I´m looking like a punk but I´m talking to them about God.Uhmm..

It´s a bit unusual.I still like these things but there´s a difference that I´m not attached to them anymore.People are making fun of me but my mission is to talk about Christ not to be pierced or tattooed.Lord had to show me this reality as I didn´t take it from people.I had the impression they would like me to change to their image but only Lord can do this.Thanks God it´s behind me.Lord´s doing great things in my life.I finished my studies at the secondary school and enroled at the college of drammatic arts.I prayed to God to show me his will.After sitting for the entrance examinations I relied on God´s will.I wasn´t admitted to the college of drammatic arts but God blessed me the service in the Rock of the heart and it´s more precious than study drammatic arts at whatever wonderful college.God sent me back to study to my former school.It was very hard for me to go there because I´d been the first to declare that if I passed the school-leaving exam I´d never set foot there.God humiliated me and I thank him for it.It´s not easy for me but God´s will is the best thing for my life and it´s of no use resisting it.

Three years passed and God made a miracle in my family.As well as it says in the Word of God: Wherever one comes to believe, all his house will be saved.Exactly the same thing´s happened in my family since the New Year´s Eve when my sister converted.I was the next to offer my life to God, then followed my mum and daddy.God kept his word and I´m very grateful to him.

God started opening the door to my previous lot and we could organize an evangelizing concert in one of the punk clubs in Košice that was closed two month later.Lord opens my friends´ hearts and gives me the opportunity to speak to their lives.Nonetheless, nowdays it´s completely different from the situation immediately after my conversion.Nowdays I know they won´t lure me back into the world but I´ll lure them to Jesus.
I´ve been Christian for nine years and I haven´t regretted having offered my life to Christ.It´s been the best decision in my life.

                                                          Tinka Hyllová, January 2009 Košice



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