Hereby perceive we the love of God, because he laid down his life for us: and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.
1 John 3,16

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The meaning of life

Mike Phoenix

I often thought I must not have belonged here and I wanted to take my life – I was standing at the balcony railings and looking down.Just a jump and then I´d never have to „suffer“.Yeah, it´s strange how much suffering a twelve-year boy can experience….. The meaning of life

My life was the search for the meaning from the very beginning – the search for the meaning of life.What´s the point in getting up from bed early in the morning, going to school and following the standarts created by the society? I was afraid when I fell asleep in the evening because I imagined the dark inimical world full of evil, violence, poverty, sicknesses and other ailments.

I often thought I must not have belonged here and I wanted to take my life – I was standing at the balcony railings and looking down.Just a jump and I´d never have to „suffer“.

Yeah, it´s strange how much suffering a twelve-year-old boy can experience but it was simply my everyday companion.Nowdays I realize that my suffering is very similar to the so-called depressive states – it was exactly what I was experiencing for a long time.When I looked for the meaning of life as a fifteen or sixteen-year-old boy I found it in faith, in Jesus, and in God.Everything started to dawn on me: the Bible, Masses in the church, my suffering should bind me more to Christ and I gradually got rid of the suffering with him.Nowdays I´m 19 and I´m dead certain that only God is my light on my way home and on my way to the heaven.In future I´d like to help other people in a way: sick, poor and sinnful…I don´t know exactly what God wants from me in this world but I believe I´ll come to know it in the matter of time.
I thank Jesus for everything that he keeps doing for me and for us…..I thank You, Father.Don´t leave all of us for ever.Amen!
Mike Phoenix, Bratislava, November 2004

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