He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love. In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.
1 John 4,8-9

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Jesus asked me for forgiveness

Hana Bartozelová

Jesus adresses me asked me for forgiveness and I couldn`t understand that God loves me so much.Out of the blue I`ve seen my horrible misery what I`m like and how I`m living…. Jesus asked me for forgiveness
I grew up in the traditional Christian family and faith was something like duty for me.On Sundays I went to church and twice a year I went to confession.I didn`t want to change this because this lifestyle also suited me when I got married.
Shortly after, we had 2 daughters and our conmmon spiritual life was in ruins.We preferred going to night clubs and get the best out of life.
My husband and I lived in lodgings and intended to build a house at my parents`.However, we haven`t got a loan nor have saved up some money.My husband was obliged to change his work and commute to Zlin where he earned more money.He used to go home for weekends and spend very little time with my family so when a friend of his had offered us some lodging in Zlin we were very happy.In a year and half the landlady threw us out and we ended up “in the street”.
As we didn’t know anyone in Zlin we had to ask a priest for help.The priest helped me a lot by confessing me and giving me some contacts of the families who believed in Christ.
I began to look for God desperately and I could feel he was very close to me and at the same time he was so inaccessible.
God longed so much for us to go back to him that he let us fall to the bottom so that we might find him there.Later on I understood that these worries and also my illness ( since my childhood I´d suffered from epilepsy which manifested itself by strong spasms and my physician had forbidden me to have other children.) were the benediction for us.
Being in this desperate situation we were offered to take part in the course Filip and afterwards in the Catholic charismatical conference in České Budějovice.We went there to ask for help.Since I didn´t see any way out I fell to my knees and decided to take my husband along.I entrusted my life to Jesus at the course Filip and I met the living Jesus at the conference.He addressed me asked me for for forgiveness ( whereas I should have asked Him ) and suddenly I couldn´t understand that he loved me so much.Out of the blue I`ve seen my horrible misery what I`m like and how I`m living.Jesus showed me how I´d pretended all those things.I was filled with immense peace and love and I was sure that Jesus´d known about our sufferings and that he´d take care of us.
After arriving home the Lord started to act immediately.Suddenly there was some accomodation for free.It was just necessary to repair it.The Lord cured me but first of all he´d had to cure my wounded heart and then he took my illness away once for all.He´s given me other two children and moreover, he sent a thirteen-year old girl who´d been left alone.
There are enough worries and problems but we know where we shall look for the strength when we are down or who we shall turn to and ask for help.We believe we are in the hands of our heavenly Father like little birds and he´s leading our lives in this world.I´ve never believe that I´d be able to bring up five children since I´d planned something else ( two children and my career ).I know that without God´s help I wouldn´t do anything for I´m weak and sinful.However, when I´m weak and can´t go on then Jesus is acting and helping.I stopped relying on my strength and trying to rely only on Jesus.When we are afraid of the future and falling under the weight of worries it´s always God´s word that helps us.
Iz 41,10
So do not fear, for I am with you;
       do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
       I will strengthen you and help you;
       I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.


 Hana Bartozelová February 2004 Březnice u Zlína



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